He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
