first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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