suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
