Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think I just sharted jello shots
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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