My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
