My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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