my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
