he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
