Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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