i think my tv is drunk
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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