Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
