i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
