I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
