ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
