Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
