dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
