I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
