Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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