so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
