im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
