i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
