dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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