Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
