you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
