Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
this hospital has no fireball
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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