I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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