so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
