that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
