My friends, they love my intelligence
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
