Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
