Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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