Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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