Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
