I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
