i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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