On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
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It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
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I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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