Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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