i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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