What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
