that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
