Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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