She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
