okay pat passed out under dana's car
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
