let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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