I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
