i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
