So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
