He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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