I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
