and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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