we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
