Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
