I could make wine with my vomit
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
