I'm jealous of your bromance
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
