How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
