I puked a lego.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
