Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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