Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
