you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Is it because I queefed?
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I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm having to shit out rocks
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