dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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