i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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