strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
