Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
this boner is exhausting
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
