Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My vagina just recognized that song.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
