Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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