$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
