Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
