Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
