also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
