hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
