guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
