then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
