And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
